I have never been an organized person. I try to keep up with my housework, but let's face it, I would rather be doing anything else but cleaning my home. Don't get me wrong, I like a clean house and my living space isnt a complete pigsty, but given the choice between cleaning and organizing versus spending time with my family, knitting, playing games, watching TV, or anything else, I inevitably choose the more alluring option.
This is compounded by the fact that I married a packrat. Seriously. I don't think I had a complete picture of how bad it was until after we took our vows. I am quite certain that my dear husband could have an emotional attachment to a pile of rocks. I love him dearly, but he has a very difficult time making decisions about what to keep and what to purge. After 13 years of marriage, you would think I would come to accept this truth.
Personally, my desire for cleaning and purging ebbs and flows. I will get on a kick and clean everything in sight. I make charts and assign chores for Kyle and I, but eventually I give up when my enthusiasm is not matched and I feel like I am doing it all alone. I eventually go back to my messy ways.
My problem is made more complicated by my lack of time for domestic duties. My little boy takes a lot of time and attention. Even when it would seem like he could entertain himself and I could get something done, he craves my attention and begins to act out when I attempt to get stuff accomplished. This leaves me with only 2 hours a day during naptime to do anything and by then, I am exhausted. All of these things may sound like I am making excuses for my messy house, but the truth is that these factors do account for why things have gotten this bad.
With the holiday season approaching, now is not the time to be embarrassed about my home, and yet if I don't do something soon, I will feel so self conscious about my living space that I will obsess about my home and forget to enjoy the precious time with my family. The main areas that need immediate attention are my dining room, kitchen, bedroom and the car. All the other places are in need of some TLC, but they are hidden behind closed doors. Technically I could choose to close my bedroom door, but I would like the choice to leave it open when company is here. Speaking of the Holidays and company, I still have no idea what we are doing to celebrate. But that complicated topic is the subject for another post.
Having a home that I am not proud of is a source of guilt for me. I always thought I would do better at this job of being a stay at home mom and wife. When I worked I had a limited amount of time to do household duties so I was forced to maximize my time and work efficiently (I also didn't have a kid) but now the urgency has been lost since I do not have many constraints on my time. In my mind I tell myself that I have plenty of time to get things done so what's the rush. This amounts to procrastination on my part.
Sometimes I think that the clutter in my home is a metaphor for the clutter in my life. I am wired so that my mind races with the stuff I have to do and the things I want to do. I am always thinking ahead and not enjoying life in the moment. All of the nonsense gets in the way and I forget to partake in the little joys of watching my son as he discovers the world. There are also places that I close off to the world rather than tackling them head on. I feel like I need to clear the clutter, both literally and figuratively, in order to enjoy what is most important in my life.